Thoughts on Love.

Love is resilient.

Love stretches to fit.

It lasts long as its bonds strengthen with time.

It sticks, and grows stronger the longer it lasts.

It makes its way through a soul.

Rerouting the brain, shocking the nerves, taking over actions. 

 *** *** ***

Love doesn’t matter if it changes nothing.

It doesn’t matter if it doesn’t change mindsets; if it doesn’t move mountains of thought.

It doesn’t matter if it doesn’t elicit responses, if it doesn’t make a difference.

It doesn’t matter if it doesn’t rip you to shreds and rebuild you again.

Love doesn’t matter unless it takes you to the ends of the earth,

unless it makes you search for meaning and question all understanding,

unless it makes you follow the path of truth and righteousness.

It matters as long as something changes inside.

Love, love is everything.

Love is the most exquisite pain, it burns to heal and rejuvenate. 

Love manifests itself in many ways.

I see love when I look at your face.

I feel love when you do what you say. 

Why does it matter?

Why does it matter to me so much what you say?

Why do I go cold inside when I see her touch your face?

Silly of me to think that anything is strong enough

To break bonds sealed with time,

I’d never have enough to give to make you lastingly mine.

I’ll never have enough of you, so don’t go, please, I beg

Although I know its unhealthy

I can’t wipe away the images in my head.

Why does it matter to me so much what you don’t say?

In a way it means that my world is crumbling away.

The fragile walls I built on words that only soothed to take

 Fall from me as in my mind I slowly awake

As day breaks and the intention is clear.

You will not leave. I will not leave

And so we will stay.

Until the day my soul dies and I utter a last cry

I’ll say;

I always loved you anyway.

Truth

Don’t look me in my eyes and knowingly feed me lies in hopes that I don’t find

the truth.

The truth. Poor naked shrivelling wraith, shivering under the strength of my gaze.

The anger thrown on the emotions of the moment to fuel my fire

Burned our house of cards down to the ground.

Reality is an illusion and the only true good exists in dreams.

Far away from my senses, floating, seething shimmers escape my pores as I sink to the floor

Overcome with a kaleidoscope of feelings

Reeling from transparent blows, the kind that cause internal gaskets to blow.

Child’s pose; lying prostrate on the ground

Closed eyes see visions of a life and memories burning to the ground.

The low wailing sound somewhere far down reaches into the heart and turns it around

 Fills it with grief and replaces angry tears with sad eyes and a forlorn frown.

Too many times.

Lies, like a slap to the face. Like a shot to the head. Like a glass of water dunked while sleeping in bed.

A sharp dart designed to cover up and protect

Who is the protected is an unsolved argument yet.

Lies, to the one who knows the truth, create a confusion and leaves one unamused.

Perhaps puzzled and perplexed and pressured to either reveal knowledge or supress feelings

Weighty decisions, often discarded in the heat of flighty moments.

R is for regret. R is for remember. R is something you can never erase or forget.

I know the truth.

I, the oracle.

I know what you do. 

Its Okay.

Its okay. Its okay if you say you don’t want me. Its okay if you say you don’t find me attractive anymore. If all the truth has made me an eyesore and a headache and a mistake. If I’m flawed beyond repair and my face is scarred beyond recognition and you can’t tell me you don’t want me anymore. You can tell me you don’t want me anymore. Its all and nothing but I’ve been through it before. I’ve been through it before. And its okay if you don’t want to do anything more.

It doesn’t matter what I think. It doesn’t matter what I think in my head when I’m alone all the time in my bed. It doesn’t matter how I feel when I put down the phone and know I’m not needed. It doesn’t matter how hard I wrestle with a life that’s a trap and a steel vice. But its okay because I’ve been through it before. And its okay if you don’t want to do anything anymore.

It doesn’t matter what I do. I’ll be wrong anyways. It doesn’t matter because sometimes how hard you try you will never stop falling. Failing to stop falling. Failure. And it doesn’t matter because I give you the world. But its okay if you don’t want it. If you don’t want it from me. I’ve been through it before. And its okay if you don’t want to do anything anymore.

Pathetic. Pathetic little thoughts, imaginings, false happenings. I see them as truth; as being completed in the universe before me and before you. And I see it as an immovable hand forever coming down to repress the depressed. Squashing the unsuspecting underneath. I’d have been squashed if I wasn’t already dead, and if I hadn’t already anticipated it in my head.

So its okay if you leave the door open, I know why you don’t want it to close. I don’t have the energy to shut it again so you could have use of me if you so choose. But its okay. I’ve been through it before. Each time it hurts more and more. But you’d never know, you would never know unless I showed you my library of thoughts. You would never know that the shiny armour is merely a façade concealing a wavering wraith. You would never know that perhaps I am not that great and merely a shadow of an image held high. The shadow of an imagined self on a shelf; the fragile china doll that no one will buy.

But its okay. Its okay if you don’t want me. I’ve been through it before. And its okay if you don’t want to do anything anymore.

And so you see, it doesn’t matter if you don’t want to say, for I already know I have scared you away. But its okay you see, I’ll tell you that its fine. I only want to say its horrible being dead when you’re alive.